M6
Forgiveness and anger
The Quran praises those "who restrain anger and who pardon the people" (3:134), and it keeps the right to fair redress: "the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation — his reward is [due] from Allah" (42:40). Forgiveness is a gift the wronged person may give; it is never something to be forced out of them.
ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلْكَٰظِمِينَ ٱلْغَيْظَ وَٱلْعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ١٣٤
Transliteration: alladhīna yunfiqūna fī l-sarāi wal-ḍarāi wal-kāẓimīna l-ghayẓa wal-ʿāfīna ʿani l-nāsi wal-lahu yuḥibbu l-muḥ'sinīna
Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;
Translation: Saheeh International
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And the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation - his reward is [due] from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers. 42:40
Arabic text and transliteration
وَجَزَٰٓؤُا۟ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِّثْلُهَا ۖ فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُۥ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ لَا يُحِبُّ ٱلظَّٰلِمِينَ
wajazāu sayyi-atin sayyi-atun mith'luhā faman ʿafā wa-aṣlaḥa fa-ajruhu ʿalā l-lahi innahu lā yuḥibbu l-ẓālimīna
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And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. 24:22
Arabic text and transliteration
وَلَا يَأْتَلِ أُو۟لُوا۟ ٱلْفَضْلِ مِنكُمْ وَٱلسَّعَةِ أَن يُؤْتُوٓا۟ أُو۟لِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْمَسَٰكِينَ وَٱلْمُهَٰجِرِينَ فِى سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ ۖ وَلْيَعْفُوا۟ وَلْيَصْفَحُوٓا۟ ۗ أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
walā yatali ulū l-faḍli minkum wal-saʿati an yu'tū ulī l-qur'bā wal-masākīna wal-muhājirīna fī sabīli l-lahi walyaʿfū walyaṣfaḥū alā tuḥibbūna an yaghfira l-lahu lakum wal-lahu ghafūrun raḥīmun
If you want to go deeper
4min read
What it means
ʿAfw, ṣafḥ, maghfira. ʿAfw is pardoning — letting go of the right to punish. Ṣafḥ is "turning the page", overlooking. Maghfira is covering a fault, used above all of God. Kaẓm al-ghayẓ (3:134) is restraining anger, literally holding it in like a closed water-skin.
What the Quran says
Restraining anger and pardoning (3:134). "Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people — and Allah loves the doers of good" (3:134). The verse is Medinan, in the passage after Uhud describing the people of Paradise (3:133). Restraining anger and pardoning are listed together with generosity, as signs of iḥsān ("the doers of good").
Justice first, pardon better (42:40). "And the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation — his reward is [due] from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers" (42:40). The verse keeps the wronged person's right to equal redress, and invites — not commands — something better. It ends by naming the wrongdoer, not the person who seeks justice, as the one God does not like.
Forgiving a relative who wronged your family (24:22). "And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?" (24:22). This Medinan verse has a known occasion (below).
What the Prophet (pbuh) taught
Abu Bakr and Mistah. When ʿAʾisha (ra) was falsely accused of adultery, one of those who spread the slander was Mistah, a poor relative whom her father Abu Bakr (ra) had been supporting. Abu Bakr swore: "By Allah, I will never give anything (in charity) to Mistah, after what he has said about ʿAisha." Then 24:22 was revealed: "And let not those among you who are good and are wealthy swear not to give…" Abu Bakr said: "Yes, by Allah, I like that Allah should forgive me", and resumed his support, saying he would never withhold it (Bukhārī 6679 Ṣaḥīḥ (sound), narrated by al-Zuhri from ʿUrwa and others, from ʿAʾisha). The slander was against his own daughter; the forgiveness was costly, and it was asked of him as an invitation — "Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?"
True strength. "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength", the Prophet (pbuh) said, but the one who controls himself when angry (Bukhārī 6114 Ṣaḥīḥ (sound), narrated by Abu Hurayra; the second half is given here in summary).
Refusing revenge at Ṭāʾif. When offered the destruction of the people who had rejected and humiliated him, the Prophet (pbuh) refused and hoped for their descendants (Bukhārī 3231 Ṣaḥīḥ (sound); see "Mercy and iḥsān").
How scholars have understood it
Forgiveness is not the same as trust or reconciliation. In 42:40 the Quran pairs pardon "and reconciliation" as a further good; it does not require a wronged person to return to a relationship that endangers them. Al-Ghazali's book on anger in the Iḥyāʾ (Book 25) has not yet been consulted.
The law: what the four schools hold
Redress is a right. In Islamic criminal law, the victim of bodily harm, or the family of someone killed, may demand legal retaliation (qiṣāṣ), accept compensation (diya), or pardon. That choice belongs to the victim or family, not to the community. School-by-school details have not yet been consulted.
What research shows
Forgiveness can be learned, and it helps. [Moderate.] Harper and colleagues (2014) randomly assigned 41 university students to a six-hour forgiveness workbook or a wait-list. Those who did the workbook showed less unforgiveness (Cohen's d = −0.56) and more emotional forgiveness (d = 0.50) than controls; the authors judged it "at least as efficacious as" group therapy using the same REACH model. The sample was small and mostly women.
In daily life
When anger rises, stop before speaking. Change your position, make ablution, or leave the room. The strong person is the one who controls himself (Bukhārī 6114 Ṣaḥīḥ (sound)).
Separate the three. Forgiving (letting go of revenge in your heart), trusting again, and reconciling are different. You can do the first without the other two.
If you want to forgive but can't yet, ask God to help you. Abu Bakr's forgiveness came with a question that moved him: "Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?"
For the heart and mind
If you were abused, you do not have to forgive in order to be a good Muslim, and you never have to go back. The Quran keeps your right to justice (42:40). Forgiveness may come later, or not; it is yours to give. If anyone uses verses on forgiveness to keep you in danger, they are misusing them. Help is available (see the help box on "Does Islam treat women unequally?" and findahelpline.com).
If your anger frightens you, that is worth taking seriously: an anger-management course or counsellor can help, and seeking help is a form of the self-control the Prophet (pbuh) praised.
Questions readers ask next
Do I have to forgive someone who hurt me?
No. 42:40 keeps your right to fair redress and invites pardon as a better path; it does not force it.
Does forgiving mean trusting them again?
No. Forgiveness, trust and reconciliation are different.
What is the story behind 24:22?
Abu Bakr's oath to stop supporting Mistah after the slander of ʿAʾisha, and his reversal when the verse came (Bukhārī 6679 Ṣaḥīḥ (sound)).
How do I control anger in the moment?
Stop, change your state, and do not speak until it passes (Bukhārī 6114 Ṣaḥīḥ (sound)).
Is anger always wrong?
The Quran praises restraining anger, not the absence of it. Anger at injustice can lead to seeking justice, which 42:40 allows.
Sources
- Saheeh International via the site's Tanzil data — 3:134, 42:40, 24:22.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 6114 (via hadithunlocked.com, https://hadithunlocked.com/bukhari:6114).
- Sahih al-Bukhari 6679 (sunnah.com, https://sunnah.com/bukhari:6679) — Abu Bakr, Mistah and 24:22.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 3231 (via hadithunlocked.com) — Ṭāʾif.
- J. Harper et al., "Efficacy of a Workbook to Promote Forgiveness: A Randomized Controlled Trial with University Students", Journal of Clinical Psychology (2014), https://core.ac.uk/download/215482224.pdf.
- Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6114
- Wade et al. 2014 (Academia)
- Child Development 2022 forgiveness meta-analysis